Ever have that moment when you just feel God’s presence and you are just humbled by his love and direction.
These past (almost) 4 months of marriage have been amazing. Never perfect, nor would I ever want it to be. If your not married yet, please don’t talk up everything you will do together and your daily routine. Because you will then be disappointed and most likely laugh at yourself, because the real world, and marriage is nothing like the movies. I remember dreaming of marriage, being on our own and just being together every. single. day. We would dream of routine. We would dream of having our own space. We would dream that everything would be perfect. We would wake up with a kiss, go on a morning run, skip around the house and smile every moment. I would be the perfect homemaker. Id cook and bake everyday and have dinner on the table by a certain time, everyday. Then we would just repeat this routine.
Truth is, I love my husband more than anything, but we aren’t perfect. Nothing near it, and never will be. Normally Seth climbs out of bed and gets ready for “work”, side note: he works from home but dresses himself and wakes up everyday as if he were driving into work, I give him props, because you best believe I would never get out of sweats. But that moment Seth climbs out of bed, I sprawl out and remember what it’s like to sleep by myself. Seth had the privilege of having this mattress for the past two years and has worked his side in, I still remain sleeping on a rock. But I like sleeping on that side of the bed, I don’t know why. I do. Before we were married my parents would joke that I would sleep through my alarm and it would be going off forever. I never believed them. Until I was married. I’ve gotten better I believe. But there were times when Seth would be in another room and at the top of his lungs would yell “JILLIAN”…well I then would sit straight up out of bed as if the house were on fire and scream “what!?!?!” …until I noticed my alarm was going off. oops.
But normally I’m scrambling to make lunch, and head to work. On my days off I try to clean the house from top to bottom, do all the laundry and prepare meals for the week. Then I realized in the fall the laundry doesn’t stop…work out clothes, soccer clothes, work clothes…then I gave up and knew I would never have that satisfaction of everything being done or clean. My floors never stay clean from dogs and the fact that everything is tile or hard wood. I also never knew how much I shed when blow drying my hair, until I was the one cleaning the bathroom.
And working out…psh, I would run with Seth, we would bike a lot when I lived in town. It was easy. Now I feel like I could never go and take my dogs on a walk by myself. And I always feel like I’m running through the ghetto with Seth. I’d go running after work, or go to my parents house, but that lead to later nights and a starving husband. So thats went down the drain, a lot. Something I am working on getting better at and I promised Seth we could start looking into gym memberships.
And dinner. I normally work two late nights a week until 8, and have been pushing it to three in the past months. I give in, I have the habit of never saying “no” or looking into future weeks. I’m a people pleaser, which leads to a hungry husband, because he is nice and waits for me to eat supper! But truth is, I try to make croc pot meals, or have something laid out to eat. But our schedules are crazy most days. So we’ve ate supper at almost ten o’clock some nights, went to bed, then started the day all over again…
We never have the same week schedule. The joys of two self-employed people! Every week is different. We almost always have plans to go out with friends or drive down to IWU to visit friends, or hear my sad husband repeat himself on how bad he wants to be out on that field, yet we enjoying watching it together, at least I enjoy having him by my side for once. Although he laughs at me and the ways I get into the game and the things I say. Our weeks are never the same. But it makes it that much more thankful for the days when we have absolutely nothing to do, no plans, and no where to be! I think I can count on my one hand the days when I got to stay in sweats and we got to just veg out all day. But yet, we would go crazy if it happened more often. I guess I enjoy our crazy life, or adding up how much we spend every month in gas. It’s worth every penny. Friends and family are the most important things to us, something money could ever buy!
But over all marriage is perfect to me. Yes there are times when it’s tough. There are times when I question myself if I’m a good wife. There are times when I still can’t believe we are married. Most days it’s crazy thinking this is real life. But my favorite thing about marriage is our Faith, our continuing of praying, devotionals, and seeing that God is doing amazing things in our lives. These past few years for me have tested my Faith, but knowing that I have my best friend who shares my Faith with me, who loves my Jesus more than life it’s self, and trusts him when life gets crazy. That’s what marriage is all about. It’s all about doing life together, finding our purpose and living it out. God has been working on our lives, moving me (and us), keeping me thinking about the future. There’s nothing more humbling than that feeling.
These past months have been fun having my best friend by my side at every moment. It’s been different than we dreamt it to be. It’s been fun. But God I feel you. I feel you moving in my life. I see the amazing things you have in store for us. As husband and wife. And I can’t wait to see our purpose. All in Your timing we will only know.
I can’t wait to share with you more on what God is doing on our lives! Some of it I can tell you, some is still in the works, some is still in God’s hands, and some we don’t even know when he will humble us again.
“When we pray, God hears more than we say, answers more than we ask, gives more than we imagine in His own time and His own way”
Have a great week!