Earlier this Autumn I gave my self high expectations to start blogging more. At the end of the hectic soccer season I logged into my WordPress site to find that every little detail that my heart ever poured out was gone. My posts to my best friends, my life, but most importantly the post I wrote a day after my proposal. The post that was every little detail from one of the best days of my life. Although I was a bit frustrated that this happened, it’s technology and I could either drag my feet about it forever or give my blog a fresh new start. This is where I am today, I’m ready for a fresh start, so how appropriate to blog right before twenty-twelve turns. My wonderful fiance also was ever so willing to change the looks of my blog with in the next few weeks, so keep checking back!
Tomorrow is the last of the last. The last day of 2012. Although Twenty-Twelve had a few highlights and some of my favorite memories, I’m also ready to say good bye. Good bye is sometimes a harsh word, but it is truly a good bye and not a see-you-later this time around. Some of you may read this and understand exactly to the “T” why I’m so bold about this bitter year, and some of you may have thought I hid it well. There were some days that all I wanted to do was melt and stay in bed, but there were also some days where I woke up counting down the days until my wedding and smiled all day. My world was turned around this year for sure. But the only thing that truly stayed consistent was my God. My Faith is what held me tight and molded me into the person I am today. This year made me more independent. It made me take a step back and evaluate who I want to be and how I want to be perceived. It made me reevaluate the things I sometimes I take for granted. It showed me who my true friends are, the ones that I can get out of the house with or cry over the phone with. Twenty-Twelve made me stronger. It tested my Faith, had me asking why, and showed me scripture that was related to my circumstances. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. But over all, it constantly reminded me that my God was in control and this is my story. I know this will be my story, God allows all my life’s experiences to shape me into my purpose. Although, I felt like this year allowed me to get knocked back down with bad news every time I was able to pick myself up, until it knocked me down once again. Truthfully, I was tired of being strong, there were days when I wondered why every time I received huge horrible news I never had Seth there to comfort me, instead he would get a phone call of sobs. But the Lord showed me to seek Him first. God also kept Seth consistent in my life, I have no idea what I would do with out him, although at times the miles were so tough. I let people talk me down and try to mold me into how they wanted me, but I stood up for myself, although it was the hardest thing in my life. I said good-bye to a relationship with someone that was distant, and decided I’ll pray for them and remember them every time they are not present in my life’s biggest moments. I’ll pray for disease and hope that it won’t take a life that I’m growing to know better, even when I’m constantly disappointed when new relationships are chosen over the ones in which I think should be rebuilt first. I’ll continue to pray for the relationships in my life in which God will show we what is important in my life shortly and how to constantly show Seth my respect for him and how to love him better daily. Over all I want my mind to say that the good out-weighted the bad, but I’m not sure if that’s the case. Earlier this fall I had my best friend tell me that I was the strongest person she knew, and sometimes that just melts you more and you know that God is working and holding me strong. I know this journey was for a reason, it molded me more into the person God has planned me to be.
Today I sat in church and it was one of those moments that you believe the service was just for you. It spoke to me in so many ways throughout 2 Timothy 4:17-18. The title was Life Message – everyone has one, but how is yours perceived. It spoke to me as I struggled this year trying to discover why God took my life on twists and turns. As the first bulletin pin-point went up on the screen, “Our life message is usually molded out of great pains and hardships.” I’ve known God has had my life in control. He will do things out of my understanding, but it is His way of directing me to my purpose, my life message. The next bulletin point, “People play a major role in our story”. People do hold a major place in your life. They are the ones that bring you hurt and the ones that bring you healing. This explains my year, the people you are supposed to trust and supposed to hold close are sometimes the ones that disappoint. But I am constantly reminded that the God I serve is one that wakes me up every morning, He protects me in my travels, and allows me a new breath each second. My God stays the same day after day and will never change, he loves me although I fail him daily. He is in charge of my life and is directing me towards my life message. My message is in the making, I can feel it, I just continue to pray to where this may lead me. Even as the new year arrives, my God is still God, and His love never fails.
Twenty-Thirteen is full of excitement. Twenty-thirteen I’m ready for you. So I pondered, what do I want to accomplish this year, what resolution should I take on. Should I reorganize all my pinterest boards, learn how to sew, watch all the One Tree Hill seasons…the list was endless, but nothing struck me. I’ve never made a New Year’s Resolution, but then it hit me I should keep up with my blog. Therefore, I’m excited to share my new adventures, my world changing upside down, but this year in so many good ways! So here’s to Twenty-Thirteen and all the great things it will bring!
With Love, Jillian Lane